Musing Mondays: About insecurities & copycats

About "Musing Mondays"
*Musing Mondays is a weekly blog series where I want to write and talk about topics that kept my mind busy in the week prior: from the growth process to educational and eye opening moments and simply the artist finding her way into this world. This is my place to be transparant and talk; where I hope this may help others reading this in any way possible. Following the road of creative expression can be a lonely one at times*

Past weekend I had the opportunity to meet and hang out with Antti Karpinnen; an incredible finnish photographer and photoshop wizard. Also someone who blew my mind in a few seconds when we got to work together on some personal work here in my humble home studio & also has given me in a few second some serious life insights I want to share on this blog:

This blog will cover 2 aspects: one is realising that I'm way to competitive over something I should - especially in light of recent events; more about that tomorrow I hope - not be competitive about. I'm still struggling to put "my knowledge" - as limited as it is - out there while at the same time, I have a deep running desire to share my experience and knowledge with those who are interested. Working with Antti on the same concepts with the same models and styling & even his light set-ups (which I was allowed "to steal" as I jokingly said it) has show me that this entire "competitive" thing and my being fed-up with people copying me is a waste of energy and here is why: first of all; the obvious is that negative energy sucks the life out of you & I honestly don't feel like continuing that road. Secondly; it made me realise I have a major "flaw" in me that should now get wrinkled out a little bit more: it comes from insecurity.

Considering I should be confident in my work as I do this full-time, this struck me deeply in the calm hours after everyone left. While in a rare case or 2, I'm just feeling seriously on edge because even I had in the first moments the idea I "released a lesser quality piece" (pieces looked so incredibly alike to mine in my signature style) - in like 99% of the cases it's just because I'm insecure about my own qualities and vision.


Working side by side with Antti has showed me that I have these qualities but I'm just not fully releasing my own capability and the fact I have my own signature style and vision & it has grown because I spend years perfecting it and I'm still far from done. People can copy it; but in the essence my work can never be the same because it's not I who made it and that will always be visible. Especially now with my recent (location) work I saw this a lot more happening.

Another aspect I learned that weekend is how incredibly little I actually know. It was such a humbling experience to be thought by Antti in a few minutes what I've been trying to figure out for a year or so now. It's also why I seriously want to step away from this "competitive" nature of mine and I just want to start sharing everything. Like I should care about such things. Being able to connect with people, networking, creating together is such an awesome experience and I cannot wait to inspire others like he did to me and made them realise what an amazing world is out there. For me also; it made me realised how much is still out there and I need to learn so so so much more. It honestly feels amazing because I felt down and uninspired and being pushed out of my zones is so inspiring to me!

In general I also just try to make life "more simple" by little steps and moving from chaos into a certain determined life structure allowing myself to breath. I already worked towards this in my new weekly schedule and I 'm really curious to see how life will develop now for me.